06 01 2017

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Death waits for no one. It catches us at unexpected timing.

It has been close to a month since. The look on your face as they laid you in the middle of the room is still etched in my mind. As if you are having the best sleep after a long time. The coldness of your forehead when I kissed you for the last time still lingers on my lips. As they lowered you into your resting place, it hits me.




Am I ready to meet You, Ya Allah?

My grandfather’s passing was a reminder for me. Our lives in this world are finite. One day, that will be me. I will be alone, accompanied by the deeds I have done. Have I done enough to gain His mercy? Enough to earn my place in Jannah? Last Friday at class, we learn about Surah Al-Fajr. It talks about Hari Kiamat and the events that will take place. I was overcome with feelings of fear and guilt. Too many sins, not enough deeds.

In my resolution, I mentioned how I wanted to bring myself closer to Him. One of it is to realign my life’s purpose. Of course it won’t be easy. There will be good days and bad days.




I find myself looking into your room when I go to Cik’s as though expecting to see you there, but you’re not. In sya Allah, we will meet again.



When I’m depressed with self-doubt, insecurity & hopelessness in my heart, help me find myself again.

Fill my heart with hope.

This came at a great timing from Mufti Menk’s Facebook page. I was feeling really low after what happened but this spelled out exactly what I was feeling. It was His way of reaching out to me and if I could tear up I would because I am just so overwhelmed with His Greatness. Help came to me in a way I never imagined.

He always listens. How could I even doubt  Him for a second. Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself. For what He has given me, what have I given or sacrificed for Him in return? I fall short of fulfilling my basic duties as a Muslim.

Ya Rabb, give me the strength and guidance to not be complacent with my relationship with You.